It's all in the marketing.
Have you ever considered what image you project? How's your
attitude about life, being gay or dating? Do you walk with
confidence or insecurity? It's important to consider these
things when looking for a date. More times than not, you'll
attract the type of guy that's attracted to the signals you're
sending. So, if you're meeting the wrong type of guys (or the
same type), try changing your attitude. If you don't normally
smile, try giving guys a quick grin. If you give off an air of
arrogance, try loosening up a bit. A little self-reflection and
image adjustment can go a long way.
Fine tune your search.
How can you find Mr. Right if you don't have a vision of what he
looks like? Make a list of the qualities you like in a guy. This
may sound like a silly exercise, but a few minutes with a pad
and paper can help you focus on finding the right man for you.
Not long ago I wrote down the hair color, height range,
ethnicity, and build of my ideal date and it's amazing how many
guys I meet that fall within my "list." But don't just stop
there - life isn't all about physical qualities. What kind of
personality or demeanor would you like him to have? What about
his family life? Keep your options open, though. Sometimes the
cosmos have a way of surprising us.
Go where they go.
You wouldn't look for pasta sauce in the frozen food aisle of
the grocery store would you? Of course not. So why do most gay
men look for specific types of guys in the wrong places. If you
like a certain type of guy, go where those types of guys go. I'd
love to say the world is an integrated utopia, but people tend
to hang out with others with similar backgrounds or interests.
Let's say you're looking for a guy that has an interest in
theater; then join a local theater group or hang out at local
venues frequented by theater lovers. If your dream lover is a
body builder, then spend more time at the gym, because more than
likely that's where he'll be most of the time.
Seek and enjoy!
Are you the life of the party or do you like to sit on the
sidelines? Most gay men wait for their knight in shining Tiffany
to come and swoop them up from the bar stool. You look, make eye
contact and even flirt a bit, but do you ever make a move? Who
doesn't want a handsome guy to come up and talk to them?
unfortunately, this attitude has created an imbalance in the
dating scene. Since everyone's waiting to be approached, there's
no one doing the approaching; which is why it's not uncommon to
go to a gay party and see everyone standing around in their own
corners like at a middle school dance. Practice getting out of
you comfort zone. Find a guy you like and try starting a
conversation. To many gay men, the thought of doing this is
terrifying, but with practice it will get more comfortable.
Find something in common.
Now that you're ready to walk up to a guy, what are you going to
say to him? Well, in my experience two angles work best:
breaking the ice and then finding something in common. Breaking
the ice can be easier than you may think. Find something unique
about him (article of clothing, jewelry, hair style), then
comment on it. Try a humorous angle. Instead of saying, "I like
your hair cut" try phrasing it in a way that will make him smile
or continue a conversation. A better approach might be, "You
know, my stylist said only certain guys can pull off that style.
I guess you're one of them..." Hey, it may sound cheesy, but it
strikes conversation and hopefully a blush. If you get stuck,
then offer to buy him a drink. This buys you time to think about
something else to talk about.
Once you've broken the ice, find something you guys have in
common and go with it. If nothing is apparent ask him if he is
interested in the things you're interested in and go from there.
Control your emotional valve.
Be honest and open with your new prospect, but don't give too
much too soon. Connecting with someone you like can be an
overwhelming experience in its beginning stages. Take your time
getting to know one another and let the details of your life and
your emotions unfold naturally. Your first date might not be the
time to talk about work stress or emotional issues with your
father. Spend time in the beginning getting comfortable with
each other and slowly open up. That way neither one of you are
overwhelmed too early in the relationship.
Play the odds.
Sometimes playing the dating game is like playing a slot
machine. It's attractive with its many colors and sounds, but
always uncertain. Of course, there's the potential of hitting
the jackpot, but unless you're extremely lucky you have to play
more than a few coins to hit big. If approaching a guy doesn't
work the first time, then try, try again. Eventually it will pay
off.
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